Юмор программистов. Origin: Communication Systems Newsgate

'Copy is Unreadable' = Porno-mags are not for reading

'Already Open' = Just undo the button and off they come.

'Process Timed Out' = Premature ejaculation has occurred

'Out of Range' = Her husband is in London

'Unmatched (' = Boobs are of different sizes.

'Permission Denied' = I told you not to try anal sex

'No repeat' = Not tonight darling, I'm too tired.

'Source is Protected' = Very sensible, always keep one with you.

'Invalid Entry' = Don't take advantage of disabled people.

'CPU down' = Had to happen sooner or later.

'Connection closed by

foreign host' = Husband arrival

'Illegal Direct' = "hi babe, wanna fuck" is not implemented.

'Can't Read' = People want intellectuals these days

'Begin Without End' = Not likely to occur

'only 3 connections

allowed' = Stop being greedy!

'bad track' = told u not to do it to Des O'Connor!

'write protected' = its ok, she's had the op.

'cannot open' = her knees are surgically joined

'file already open' = she's a slut

'no manual entry' = switch to auto pilot

'no such process' = forget it, its impossible

'65 bytes free' = after this, bites cost 10p each.

'no command' = she knows what you want

'your party has logged

out' = you were too long at the chemists

'RTFM error' = see karma sutra

'mistake' = yup, thats her asshole!

'no device specified' = which vibrator do you want?

'no such device' = if device no. > 15"

'Stopped' = Doorbell activated

'Stopped by operator' = Phone rings

'Interrupt' = son arrives at location

'dlog file exists' = you logged out before ejaculation

'missing end statement' = she had gone when you awoke.

'missing bit' = Jewish operator

SEX PASCAL v.69

ERRORS

'Hex number too large' = The last time I saw one that big it was hanging

under a donkey

'Variable too big for

memory' = It's so big it's mind-blowing

'BEGIN expected' = She's got her clothes off and ready to go

'Too many procedures' = The foreplay's gone on long enough

'DO expected' = "Come on, do it to me!"

'Label not declared' = What brand of condoms have you got?

'END expected' = "Please stop, I've had enough!"

'Too many digits' = You can't put your whole hand up

'Premature end of file' = It went limp before the climax

'Too many devices' = Which vibrator shall I choose from?

'Variant device' = I'll choose this one - it's got thrusting action

'Tag type mismatch' = The condom's too big

'Real device expected' = I don't want a vibrator - I need the real thing

'Can't read this type' = I've lost my glasses and cannot read the small

writing on this sex manual

'Too many dimensions = I'm having problems translating page 47

for translator' of the kama sutra into Serbo Croat

'Digit expected' = Get your magic fingers working on my erogenous

zones

'ID table overflow' = I told you not to do it on the table where it

would overflow onto the carpet

'Too many nested = There's so many Des O'Connor records on

records' that shelf that it's put me off the job

FATAL ERROR

'Premature termination = she had an epileptic fit while giving blowjob

of parameter'

DEMONSTRATION PROGRAM

Program Sex (input,output,input,output,input,output,input,output);

var
condom,up,down : boolean;

Procedure up_and_down;
begin
if up=true then
down
else
up
end;

begin
repeat
read(condom);
until (condom=true)
repeat
up_and_down;
until climax
end.

If you are a bit kinky then the following procedure may be implemented :-

Procedure foreplay;
begin
read(choice);
case choice of
1 : Strawberry Yogurt;
2 : Baked Beans;
3 : Ice Cream;
4 : Vaseline;
endcase
end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEX(6) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual SEX(6)

NAME

sex - have sex

SYNOPSIS

sex [ options ] ... [ username ] ...

DESCRIPTION

sex allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) specified in the

command line. If no users are specified, they are taken from the LOVERS

environment variable. Options to make things more interesting are as

follows:

-1 masturbate

-a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option

-b buggery

-B<animal>

bestiality with <animal>

-c chocolate sauce option

-C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)

-d<file>

get a date with the features described in <file>

-e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)

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